Daily Knews

Oberisk, one of the strongest Scourge Metal acts to come out of the Bay area, has recently renigged their statements about hating everything, including hate itself. “We don’t hate everything, including hate itself,” said lead vomiter Kline Klsnks. “We love gore and Violentia Dyskesska. And we actually kindof like hate, too.” The retraction of the previous statement came at a press conference for the band’s upcoming Microwave the Children tour. Violentia Dyskesska is an album by the godfathers of hate- the Godfathers of Hate. It is widely acclaimed to be the most depressing thing to ever happen ever. Oberisk is planning to undergo a seven month tour in which half of the proceeds will go to funding animal research. This is vague and it has many animal rights activists slightly upset. “We don’t know what their ‘research’ involves, but it takes place in poorly lit areas,” says animal rights activist Molly Yura. “And the only ‘scientific’ equipment that is on record as being used are blunt objects and some medication- paincausers.”

In response to the concerns and questions of the animal rights activists and many thousands of people who live within 20 miles of any of Obelisks 33 planned tour stops, Head Drummer Joii Blopt says, “KHAAAAKHATHAKAI! FRRRRRAK!!” and then he spit out his adam’s apple.

“All we know is that this tour generates hype and hype equals revenue in this business,” says Blind Demon record executive Mindy Oops. Blind Demon is struggling due to many costly lawsuits, the latest of which was brought by the King of Samoa, who claimed that the Blood Bloodkill song ‘Murder the King of Samoa with an A** Missile’ was a threat on his life. The settlement is around 50 million Francs. “Oberisk is one of our top sellers, and they might actually complete this tour. The police forces get so jittery with all the excitement and they go overboard on enforcing silly rules like arson and treachery.” Oberisk is currently composed of: Jeremi Nakepugh, Kline Klsnks, Joii Blopt, Ned Hetbo, Allan Tree, and Johnathane Flecsh.