Oh, man oh man

I wish I had more good things to say about Diego Guisueppe. He was about the kindest man in all of Harslboro, and he tried too hard to show it. Cuttling with the kittens down at the animal shelter till there was nothing left of them, rooting for the underdog even when after he passed his legal limit on vodka-tonics. He was too kind to the Marlboro corporation, caressing aver three hundred smokes a day. That’s probably why I’m writing this obituary to a long lost friend who just died recently. He was too good for this world and its stupid tax evasion laws. He also took too many methamphetamine spin-offs, like Dr. Kangaglue! And The Knote. In 1985, he made Super Bowl history by being the only man in the world to not even think about thinking about watching or not watching the Super Bowl, while still not refusing or inadvertently not even thinking about it at all. It was trippy, and I know all that because he told us. Well, I hope he doesn’t get bored in heaven or get the snuff beat out of him by a devil tormentor. Maybe I just hope he gets to be kind to people that need it bad. –Joe Riemell