That Crazy Animal You
By: Aldridge McCarthy
(not yet illustrated)
Did you know that you are an animal?
It's true!
Maybe not a tusky snuffler or a horny rammer or a slippery flipper,
but you are an animal.
And what a crazy animal, too!
Did you know that your body is 95% water?
That's right- if you don't drink enough water, you'll EVAPORATE.
That means die.
But don't worry- you can get water from the food you eat, and from the air-
that's why you sweat: to make room for more water.
And what about food?
Your body can process any organic compound.
That means you can eat anything!
Just make sure your tongue likes it first.
And speaking of tongues, did you know that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body?
It feeds on things called 'proteins' but you don't need to worry about that-
your body makes enough 'protiens' to power an entire city for one year!
Just like other animals, your body gets sick and tired.
This is because of a lack of sleep and too much dirty air.
Your lungs, which are like huge leathery socks, can filter any air, except dirty air.
This air makes its way into your cells and makes them scream.
Cells are like tiny people inside you, and when they scream, you scream.
What a crazy animal!
And what about bones and waste products?
Well your bones are made of elements like calcium and marrow, and of course water.
When you break one, it must somehow exit the body- that's what your blood is for!
Blood moves trash- like broken bones- through mazes called arteyries and into the heart, where they are digested.
No, not like food, silly! Food gets digested in the stomach and the colon.
The heart is for digesting trash and sending it out of the body.
But how? That's what pores and other holes in your body are for.
When a strange odor or paste comes out, it's like taking out the trash!
When animals get edgy, they reproduce.
This means that they attach to one another, in a good way.
You will do this too, when your hormone comes out.
A hormone is basically a psychologial stimulant that make you icky.
You'd be better off to just do what it says.
If you don't, you'll build up what's called lactose, which is another word for poison.
And finally: the brain.
The brain is like soup, all held up in the skull.
That's why you get so dizzy when you spin- your brain is getting blended!
Oh, my! What a crazy idea.
No other animal is quite like this.
No other animal is that crazy animal you!
(not yet illustrated)
Did you know that you are an animal?
It's true!
Maybe not a tusky snuffler or a horny rammer or a slippery flipper,
but you are an animal.
And what a crazy animal, too!
Did you know that your body is 95% water?
That's right- if you don't drink enough water, you'll EVAPORATE.
That means die.
But don't worry- you can get water from the food you eat, and from the air-
that's why you sweat: to make room for more water.
And what about food?
Your body can process any organic compound.
That means you can eat anything!
Just make sure your tongue likes it first.
And speaking of tongues, did you know that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body?
It feeds on things called 'proteins' but you don't need to worry about that-
your body makes enough 'protiens' to power an entire city for one year!
Just like other animals, your body gets sick and tired.
This is because of a lack of sleep and too much dirty air.
Your lungs, which are like huge leathery socks, can filter any air, except dirty air.
This air makes its way into your cells and makes them scream.
Cells are like tiny people inside you, and when they scream, you scream.
What a crazy animal!
And what about bones and waste products?
Well your bones are made of elements like calcium and marrow, and of course water.
When you break one, it must somehow exit the body- that's what your blood is for!
Blood moves trash- like broken bones- through mazes called arteyries and into the heart, where they are digested.
No, not like food, silly! Food gets digested in the stomach and the colon.
The heart is for digesting trash and sending it out of the body.
But how? That's what pores and other holes in your body are for.
When a strange odor or paste comes out, it's like taking out the trash!
When animals get edgy, they reproduce.
This means that they attach to one another, in a good way.
You will do this too, when your hormone comes out.
A hormone is basically a psychologial stimulant that make you icky.
You'd be better off to just do what it says.
If you don't, you'll build up what's called lactose, which is another word for poison.
And finally: the brain.
The brain is like soup, all held up in the skull.
That's why you get so dizzy when you spin- your brain is getting blended!
Oh, my! What a crazy idea.
No other animal is quite like this.
No other animal is that crazy animal you!
posted by Captain Blah at 6:23 PM
1 Comments:
About the robe of purest rupee extract...of course I don't have one; this is the 21st Century we're living in, after all.
But all jokery aside, give my regards to Ms. Pliny Gunpowder. You know, all those things you told me about her were true. Every last thing, down to her disappointment in the pair of K-Swiss tennis shoes her brother fenagled her into buying the other day.
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