Choices

Randauf made his way through the lunch line.
The green beans were slithering! I saw one move right over another and under that little slab of butter when the lamp heated up and turned on the extra bit of light!
The roast corn hash had an attitude! And Jamey, who has "A" lunch, said it had a bad attitude and whipped his stomach like a wet cur, and maybe even burned his underwear.
The bread was passable. For a corpse!
And the milk, well, the milk was more on the acidic side of the pH scale.
But alas no more, for he was nearing the end, and there was a choice! Brownie or fruit.
Randauf was happy and asked, "Can I have both!?"
"Yes you may!" said the grinner with the spatula.
And Randauf dejected his way back to the lunchtable with the softest, brownest apple ever to have been seen.

Don't be greedy in the face of sheer hopelessness.

Daily Knews

Oberisk, one of the strongest Scourge Metal acts to come out of the Bay area, has recently renigged their statements about hating everything, including hate itself. “We don’t hate everything, including hate itself,” said lead vomiter Kline Klsnks. “We love gore and Violentia Dyskesska. And we actually kindof like hate, too.” The retraction of the previous statement came at a press conference for the band’s upcoming Microwave the Children tour. Violentia Dyskesska is an album by the godfathers of hate- the Godfathers of Hate. It is widely acclaimed to be the most depressing thing to ever happen ever. Oberisk is planning to undergo a seven month tour in which half of the proceeds will go to funding animal research. This is vague and it has many animal rights activists slightly upset. “We don’t know what their ‘research’ involves, but it takes place in poorly lit areas,” says animal rights activist Molly Yura. “And the only ‘scientific’ equipment that is on record as being used are blunt objects and some medication- paincausers.”

In response to the concerns and questions of the animal rights activists and many thousands of people who live within 20 miles of any of Obelisks 33 planned tour stops, Head Drummer Joii Blopt says, “KHAAAAKHATHAKAI! FRRRRRAK!!” and then he spit out his adam’s apple.

“All we know is that this tour generates hype and hype equals revenue in this business,” says Blind Demon record executive Mindy Oops. Blind Demon is struggling due to many costly lawsuits, the latest of which was brought by the King of Samoa, who claimed that the Blood Bloodkill song ‘Murder the King of Samoa with an A** Missile’ was a threat on his life. The settlement is around 50 million Francs. “Oberisk is one of our top sellers, and they might actually complete this tour. The police forces get so jittery with all the excitement and they go overboard on enforcing silly rules like arson and treachery.” Oberisk is currently composed of: Jeremi Nakepugh, Kline Klsnks, Joii Blopt, Ned Hetbo, Allan Tree, and Johnathane Flecsh.

THE BATTLE OF THE THIEVES

And there was a cave hidden under the island of Hint. Hyo-Hannsin lived in this cave and he was very content. He had with him the Art Of Gloven which was a piece of broken pottery from Gloven's skull that was broken off when the great artist and revolutionist was transformed into a clay skeleton by Vordok, the evil Alligon King. Hyo-Hannsin was a very wise man and he was also very well hidden under the island. Hint was an island off of the coast of Griplingon and it was shrouded in clouds and mysterious things. There was once one who discovered Hyo-Hannsin. This was Limo, the Snatchit Thief Captain. He had the Art of Glovin and he traded this to Hyo-Hannsin for the knowledge of the Way of the Mummy. Hyo taught him and soon Limo was mastered at this art. He left Hint and went back to the Southernlund to re-establish his Snatchit Empire in the Canopy of the Coppilart Woods. He was very powerful and he succesfully plundered many cities in the Southernlund, until Brimbhard the Mighty and his army from Sentenal City found Limo and successfully destoyed him. They then proceeded to destroy the Snatchit Empire and the thieves were scattered throughout the world. This battle was called the Battle of the Thieves, and this was when the thieves were scattered throughout the world and there was much rejoicing and sorrow.

Vartigan

'Vartigan' is the decibal-level detector that eliminates students with lasers if the noise level gets too high. The school system doesn't use 'Vartigan' anymore because of lawsuits. It also shoots you if you say something stupid. Teacher's have to 'calibrate' by registering their voice with 'Vartigan' so it wont shoot them.
This whole idea was a pseudo-dream I had during study hall.

THE GILLY HAMMER TROLLS AND HIGH MOUNTAIN

That year there were expeditions sent to Mars Island. But no one in their right mind desired to go there. So they took criminals, freaks, flaky people, and gilly hammer trolls to the new colonies. Gilly hammer trolls just didn't get no respect. So a day before they were to leave their village they decided that their government was insane and they staged a rebellion and destroyed the government. The went in search of the High Mountain, along with a few hundred hippies who just decided to join them. They climbed the Rocks and Thrond helped them climb shere precipices and none of the monsters of the heights of the world, neither snow creatures, yetties, big feet, nor dragons, hydras, enigmas, or phenomenons dared touch them. And at the top of the mountain was gold and water and trees and beautiful animals like red fire deer and the like. The gilly hammer trolls settled down and killed all the beautful animals and chopped down all the trees and mined all the gold. They made soldiers and destroyed themselves till not a man was left. Now it was called Bald Mountain and all there were were bones and tree stumps. At night the skeletons of greedy gilly hammer trolls came to life and danced and shrieked on the mountain top or came down to the villages and ate all of the people.

Now these villiage people were becoming upset with the gilly hammer skeletons and they blamed it on the President Herl Destilia, because he controlled everything. They overthrew him and he was trampled by women and children, and the people went in search of Graumbottom Grove, the last Rainforest, and they were determined and dirty, and everywhere that they went, people sneered and said STINL-ANMON!! which means very bad stink. Cazicon intervened because he hated Trakoites and he hated insanity outside of dreams, and so he stopped the whole chain reaction by killing the villiagers in their sleep. Most historians give credit to the fact that the people died from stinl-anmon and they deserved it. This all happened way far to the north, in the Crazy Lands, where there isn't even a place on the map because it just needs to be heard, not seen.

Winjammered

Don't fret if the alcohol's gone- there's much more where that came from and the duty isn't on. We've got an onboard pass from the Winjammer- say's drink as much as we've got, just don't O.D. on whiskey or the week will be all shot.

3333

"I can't think on an empty stomach. Why is because in order for me to think, I must have a light go on in my head. The lamplighter must crawl from down in the pit- in the pit of my stomach to light my brain-lamp. When I eat food, the lamplighter can climb up the stacks of food- and get at my brain. It is all-important. I didn't eat supper last night, so I didn't do my book report. I couldn't think, that's all."

Jhimmey McWhiggehns, age 5

Mechanismic

Machine gun head.
rat-a-tat-tat!
Machine gun brain.
rat-a-tat-tat!
All day long, looking for gold.
Looking for buried gold.
"Get it out of yo machine gun brain- there aint no buried gold!"
What's that you say?
rat-a-tat-tat!
Buried Gold?!
rat-a-tat-tat!
He//yeah!

THE GILLY HAMMER TROLLS AND THE SHADOW LAND

There were people that lived in Berd. They were called Berds. The ground was muddy and the village was older. The people there were discontent with their insane life and thier unjust government. They revolted. They destroyed the government and moved to the Warm River, which was near the coast of the Great Sea. And they crossed it, for Hashmodar supported their feet. And they crossed the billowing lands of the sea monsters, and no monster, no squid or toram, neither shark nor sea dragon, touched the people of the village and they crossed in peace, and the dolphins accompanied them. And they came to the sunny lands where everything was wondrous. They crossed the beach gratefully and cut down all the trees, ate all the animals, and mined all the gold. They made soldiers and killed each other till not one man was left. The island became the land of shadow or the Shadow Land.
There was an bearded exile from a pearling ship from Bangel. Everyone one of the crew had hated him because he was a literal Babuna and he said annoying things and made everybody mad and he had bad breath. They marooned him on the Shadow Land and he explored them in growing dismay, for there was nothing to eat. Only bones and tree stumps. Eventually he died of the elements and starvation and he became a wandering shadow.
Many years later the men of the earth, the gilly hammer trolls, decided to dig under the ocean. And they continued to dig and suddenly they stepped out into the dust dimmed sunlight of the Shadow Land and that night they were tormented by the Shadow Man himself and became crazy and insane. They built a ship and they decided to return from the Shadow lands. In the wake of the shadow, they went home insane and unpredictable. They made port, but only a few of them had survived and there had been cannibalism. They immediately attacked and bit the first people they came across. They were apprehended and thrown in the dungeon where they remained until they were interrogated. The interrogator asked them some very pertainent questions but they only foamed and squirmed and bit him on the knee. He threw them back into their cells and there they lived for the rest of their natural lives. They died one by one and they were buried, but the Shadow Man had gotten home by means of their ship. He terrorized the entire countryside and ate large numbers of horses. The other gilly hammer trolls one day were digging away and bumped into the graves of the insane gilly hammer trolls. They decided it was a pitty they had died so they took them to the shadow man to bring them back to life. This he did, but he ate all of those gilly hammer trolls in the process.

Humor the Senator!

Former Massachusets Senator Wom Harley once said, "It is not destructive influence that makes wishful thinking proriotive. It is the able-bodied worker who confounds this miraculous pistachio."
Senator Harvey was indicted for child fraud three months later. At his resignation speech, he said, "Do not lie in the open wounds of self catalysis. Jump into the open arms of justice and ween about medicine and hack-jobs in the OR. That's what you can look forward to, you bunch of tire-faced jynahs!"
His approval rating was at -.44% at the time.
He is generally considered to be the worst.
Ever.

Life in the Gondola

Floating so freely, this life in the gondola- taking each moment like apples to eat. You've got your confidence, I've got my sentiments. I think we compliment, difinitely. Give me your hand and I'll be your informer. Look in my eyes, tell me what do you see? One straight line- me to you- never bending through and through. You are a cataract, I am a waterfall- splishing and splashing our way to the sea. Over the mountians and under the rainclouds we make our way westward with positive speed. I believe gravity brings us down where we should be. Honesty. I can say honestly: I couldn't care anymore. Some say the moon is just nature's balloon. I couldn't tell you for sure. I don't know Nietzsche and you don't know calculus. What we don't know sure can't hurt us at all. Thirty feet in the air- floating freely without cares. I'll be the first to admit- we've got more problems than our limitations. And lest you ever forget- just try hard not to forget. You do your best, I'll to the rest. Life in the gondola: happy and blessed.

Ophiate Matter

I wrote this letter to a friend of mine, who is actually myself:
"Detain your muscles for open air surface extraction."
Why? I do not know, for I was in a half-conscious state. This is apparently a significant message from the depths of my Think.
And if you have an excessively large population of pygmy children, do you just go ahead and call the other kids giant children and go with the majority? This is hypothetical, or at least it was until just two days ago. Then the "shipment" came it. And it was like the watermain was full of bipedal mice, and it burst.
"If it can eat through your car, it can eat through your hand." This is the mantra of our lab safety class. Also, we like to clap our hands ten times every chance we get.
And every time we convert something to mols, we hit a big golden gong in our minds. (We're using the Royal We.)
And here is a conglomeration worth mentioning: canniballerina. Almost as good as hippocopter or tormado. Idiodyssey.
"you have a bee in your bonnet" - this means slightly annoyed.
"you have a porcupine in your panties" - this is uncomfortably annoyed.
"you have a razorblade in your rectum" - this is annoyance to the point of tears.
"you have an icepick in your intestinal tract" - this is just regular indigestion.